Parenting Q&A | Preparing for the return to work after maternity, paternity or adoptive leave with Tracy Gunn
Preparing for that return to work after having a baby whether it is maternity, paternity or Adoptive leave can be full of emotions. For some it’s ‘I don’t know how I’m going to manage it all or be away from my baby’. For others it’s ‘I loved being off with my baby, but I can’t wait to be back to work and feel like me again’ . These contrasting situations are the reality and can also vary between a first-time parent and one that is returning after their second or third child because they possibly know what to expect.
Regardless though, one important aspect of each individual situation is that employers recognise that family is a huge part of employees’ lives and that there is understanding and flexibility to support them during their return to work.
Returning to Work after a new arrival
I am so thrilled to introduce Tracy Gunn, who is co-founder of Platform55 and is on a mission to make workplaces more inclusive places for parents and caregivers. Tracy has over 20 years’ experience in leadership development, and started working with parents and managers following her own experience of returning to work from maternity leave in 2014. She’s a mum to two boys and works hard to keep a balance so that she can enjoy a fulfilling family life and career.
The areas we spoke about included
What concerns parents most when preparing to return to work after having a baby?
Tracy’s top tips to prepare for that return to work.
How to alleviate feelings of guilt?
Why is it important for parents to understand their entitlements at work?
How can a parent prepare if they need to approach their manager/team leader with a request to reduce their hours or work more flexibly?
What do find concerns parents most when preparing to return to work after having a baby?
Common concerns include:
Guilt – whether that’s about leaving your baby with someone else, or guilt that you’re not willing, or able to work the hours you previously did.
How will I manage it all? – often there’s a feeling of overwhelm. We all play so many different roles in our lives. I often hear parents talk about how they’re going to manage to work, care for their family and run their home. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be ‘perfect’ and have everything sorted.
Can I ‘have it all’ – can I really have a fulfilling career and family life? What will I have to sacrifice?
What are your top tips to prepare for that return to work?
We always suggest starting with your values. What’s most important to you right now. This helps us address the question of ‘can I have it all?’. What does that mean to us as individuals? We often measure success in terms of job title, salary, or a fancy house. But success and having it all means different things to each of us. Is it balance in your life? Your health? Having time to spend with those you love? Doing a fulfilling job? Once you identify your Top 5 values then your decision making becomes much easier.
Get organised at home – there’s a brilliant booked by Tiffany Dufu called ‘Drop the Ball’. In it she says, ‘just because you want to have it all, doesn’t mean you have to do it all’. If you have a partner, it's important to sit down and talk about how you’re going to manage drop off and pick up logistics, running the house, what you both want from your career etc. What you’re aiming for is to work as a team and collaborate – not compete.
Pace yourself. We often expect to slot back in where we left off – which results in unnecessary pressure. Take time to ramp back up. Whatever you do, don’t start back on a Monday. Do a shorter week – perhaps use some of your leave to stagger your return over the first few weeks.
Guilt plays a big part for all parents, whether they are working or not, what do you think parents find most helpful to alleviate guilt or feel better about the juggle of work and home life?
Guilt – the million-dollar question! This comes up in every single session we run at Platform55.
Look at the research. There are numerous studies that show that working parents are good for their children. You’re being a positive role model, they benefit from interactions with other children and childcare, and grow up to be well-rounded individuals.
Focus on what you can control. If something is niggling at you – pause. Write it down. Then ask yourself ‘can I influence that’? For example, if you’re feeling guilty because you’ve gone back to work – but financially you must work – stop giving yourself a hard time. If you’re guilty because you feel distracted when you’re with the kids – what can you do about that? For example, you can put your phone away in a drawer between 5-7pm at night, set clearer boundaries at work.
Check out the blog on How to Balance Work & Home Life in 8 Steps
Why is it important for parents to understand their entitlements at work?
Your manager won’t always know the specifics around leave entitlements – so it's important to have a conversation with HR.
If you’re adopting or using a surrogate, make sure you find out what entitlements you have.
Find out what entitlements your partner has. That way you can sit down and talk about how you’re going to use your entitlements in the best way. It also helps with budgeting.
Get a buddy at work. They can share with you how they used their leave, and suggest ideas that you never thought of e.g., using some of your leave to do a staggered return.
Finally – if you have health insurance – make sure you find out what you can claim and any added bonuses that they offer.
How can a parent prepare if they need to approach their manager/team leader with a request to reduce their hours or work more flexibly?
Establish what you’d like and be specific. For example, are you asking to reduce your hours or do the same hours but with a different working pattern?
Think about how your request will fit with the rest of the team, and the work that you do. For example, if you’re asking to work 4 days a week, most people want to take a Friday as their non-workday. This isn’t always feasible. Friday may be a busy day, or the team may already be short-staffed that day. Understand that your manager must balance the needs of everyone in the team and may not always be able to accommodate your specific request.
Ask. If you don’t ask, you won’t get. If your Manager is reluctant, suggest a trial period. Managers are more likely to agree if they know they will have a chance to review how it's working.
Returning to work after having a baby can be daunting however there is lots that we can do to prepare both practically and emotionally. Never feel like you are on your own, if you are feeling anxious, emotional, or overwhelmed, make sure to connect with your partner, family, or friends. So many parents go through this transition, it’s finding what will work for you and your family.
If you are feeling overwhelmed or facing challenges with your children, I am here to help, I offer tailored 1 to 1 parent support sessions or corporate parenting talks-. Get in touch with me today at aoife@parentsupport.ie, or if you are interested in creating a happier and calmer home I offer a Video Based Positive Parenting eLearning Course.